the floor is tiled with blue and beige carpet and it’s horrible
i imagine each fabric of the carpet absorbing the vocal frustrations from above,
saturated with
the exasperated sighs
i had to be prompt. be here right at 8 she told me over the phone otherwise who knows
im here because i’m 26
yesterday i ate ice cream at my parents house
my house
mom bought it last week
a local vanilla
i ate it all before she had a chance to try some
but she didn’t even mind
i normally don’t like vanilla
and i don’t normally like ice cream she told me
but egg custard
this one has egg custard
and that’s why it’s so good
i finished it while she was away
and bought another pint before she came back to replace the first one
she didn’t seem to notice
she doesn’t even like ice cream
i pulled a clean spoon out of the drawer
plenty of spoons
dishwasher freshly emptied
i love spoon day
this is how it goes
i stab at the frozen stuff until i have a small bowl full
the pieces sweat down the sides of the bowl
i add chocolate chips to the half frozen soup
they freeze
i finish
i get more
i add more
they freeze
am i a child
this wasn’t yesterday
i’m making soup at our small table with a tiny spoon
is my house made of stucco
is there a big tree outside splitting the house down the middle
does that tree have a swing
is the swing broken
is this me
split in half
now broken too
waiting, quiet, i feel sterile
like i walked through the door and it drenched me in bleach and
cleansed me of myself
i had no choice
yet i still have this skin and this heart and that deep warm thing that mom never likes to talk about
i’m here because i’m 26